Thankful for the Lord's provision - Part III

Today, I want to praise God for his provision in three specific ways.

First, a sweet Sunday School class at our church gave us a very generous gift Sunday evening. It was generous in two specific ways. The sweet words inside were so encouraging - to know someone cares and is praying for you - it makes a world of difference. Plus there was an unexpected gift which we were able to use to cover groceries that evening.

Second, Mrs. F who works at my school's pre-school stopped by to ask if I could use any hand-me-down maternity clothes. The answer of course is yes (see picture below).

(Today Baby Lackey is 13 weeks -

I guess the OB nurse wasn't kidding when she said Baby had no where to go but out)

Meanwhile, back to my point...

To my surprise she walked in a few minutes later with a huge plastic box full of maternity clothes.

So sweet and generous. Plus I'm thankful for Mrs. G's son who both carried the box into the car and onto the front porch for me this afternoon.

Third, after the crazy emotional first two days of this work week, I am so thankful that it pleased the Lord for today to be low-stress and tear-free :) This morning as I was reading Scripture and praying, I kept thinking about the encounter Jesus had with the father of a boy whom he healed of an unclean spirit. (read about it here.) I love, love, love that Jesus doesn't simply heal the boy and bid goodbye but spends time with the father.

In their conversation, the father confesses to Jesus, "I believe. Help my unbelief!" As a younger believer I didn't understand this. How could you believe and not believe at the same time? That can't be right - you either do or you don't. However, as I have matured in my faith and the Lord has grown me I think that statement sums up most days of my walk with him. I believe. I want to believe. I want to believe more. However I am still plagued with doubts, fear, and worry. It's a lived-out reality of what Paul says in Romans 7 "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." Thankfully - we don't have to be the ones to carry it out.

Timothy Keller writes:

The boy's father says, "I'm not faithful, I am riddled with doubts, and I cannot

muster the strength necessary to meet my moral and spiritual challenges. But

help me." That's saving faith - faith in Jesus instead of in oneself. Perfect

righteousness is impossible for us, and if you wait for that, you will never come

into the presence of God. You must admit that you are not righteous, and that

you need help. When you can say that, you are approaching God to worship.

So tonight I praise the Lord for specifically for this reassurance that I can't do this on my own and God doesn't want me to even try to do it alone - Jesus is able to take care of everything for me and in reality, he already has.

The Sweetest Sound

Today I had an impromptu OB visit.

I was 99% sure I had an UTI. I debated between calling my urologist versus my OB, but reasoned that baby trumps all so to the OB I went.

After the obligatory urine sample, the Nurse Practitioner said she wanted to use the doppler-thingy to check Baby Lackey's heartbeat. I was thankful as I had already decided to ask her to do so just to be safe. (I have seriously become a worry-wart)

After what seemed like forever, no heartbeat could be found. Dr. S had some trouble finding the heartbeat last week at my 12 week appointment, but eventually she found it. However, the NP just couldn't locate it. Hello panic mode.

From there, they took me to the "little waiting room." The little waiting room is never a good thing, in my book. Of course I was bawling by this point so they really didn't want me freaking out the other patients. After what seemed like forever - again - I am called for the ultrasound.

Words can't express just how frightened I was. I didn't even want to look at the screen. Fortunately, the Lord in his kindness revealed that sweet Baby Lackey was still there and his/her little heart was still beating (153 bpm) - sweetest sound I have ever heard.

Enjoy these pictures:

I have so much to be thankful for after today's visit:

1) Antibiotics! Hopefully I will be back to my normal self in a day or two.

2) An unnamed sweet older lady. When I entered the dreaded "little waiting room" there was an older lady in there. She looked at me and immediately asked, "Do you need a hug?" to which I nodded yes. She hugged me for quite a while - didn't say anything - just gave me a hug until the doc called her out. I have no idea if she is a believer or not. I don't even know her name and didn't say a word to her, but I am confident that the Lord used her today as his arms to comfort me and for that I am thankful.

3) Technology - While the doppler-thingy isn't on my favorite list right now, I am thankful that I am pregnant at the time when technology exists enabling us to "see" our little one and know with some certainty if anything is wrong.

I do have to repent. My trust in the Lord was seriously tested today when they couldn't find the heartbeat and I'm sad to report that I don't think I held my faith very well. I know my reaction was completely normal and expected, but my first thought wasn't "God is control" but rather intense fear, worry and thoughts of worse-case scenarios. Thankfully the Lord did quicken my spirit with random scriptures to think on while I waited and prayed so I know he was with me, even when I questioned that fact. Isn't he kind? The Lord is faithful even when I struggle to be.

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord,

be brave and of good courage,

and let your heart be stout and enduring.

Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

Denied

That's what I heard today from the caseworker who has been in charge of my insurance application.

It was not a fun conversation. There were tears - lots of them. The caseworker was absolutely no help. When I asked about appealing she basically gave me the run around and said my only option was to go to another office location and reapply. After pushing her, she finally gave me a number to the main office in Frankfort.

Enter about an hour of crying. My poor students had no idea what was going on. I had to leave the room because I didn't want to answer questions from 23 little ones. Sweet Mrs. G sacrificed the majority of her break to keep them entertained while I gathered myself and cried on the principal's shoulders. (Did I mention that I am not a "pretty" crier - you know those people who shed tears and still look great? Yeah, that's so not me.)

Once I stopped crying, I called Frankfort. After being transferred a few times, I finally ended up with the number for the appeal office and was told I needed to write a request for an appeal hearing and fax them every piece of information I gave to/received from the caseworker. This is no guarantee things will go my way at all, but at least there is an option. Four hours later after fighting both with our campus' fax machine and internet - the letter and information was sent.

So friends, I am asking you to pray.

First, pray for favor with Frankfort. I need this insurance as no one else will cover me. I need this insurance quickly. James and I are already in the hole almost a thousand dollars in self-pay doctor's visits and we have three more visits scheduled before the end of the year.

Second and most importantly, please pray for the Lord to build my trust. I know he has not and will not abandon us. I know he has a plan. I know he is good even when situations aren't. I must trust him.

Give attention to the sound of my cry,

my King and my God,

for to you do I pray.

Psalm 5:2

12 Week Appointment

Today I am 12 weeks - yahoo! Goodbye First Trimester - Hello Second Trimester. In honor of the occasion, I took a picture. A sad picture, I know. I have yet to figure out how to work the self-timer feature, so enter the mirror picture.

Hello baby bump. The OB nurse at my 8 week appointment told me that since I am little and extremely short-waisted the baby would have no where to go but out. So, even though I have only gained 3 pounds - hello baby bump.

This afternoon I had my 12 weeks appointment. I was kinda bummed that we didn't get to "see" the baby. This is my first pregnancy so I have no idea what to expect at appointments so I had thought we'd get to "see" Baby Lackey at every appointment. Oops. We did get to hear the heartbeat with that doppler-thingy. Here are today's stats:

My weight - 116 (still just 3 pounds gained total)

My BP - 120/70

Baby's Heartbeat - 159 - This is down 20 bpm, I was concerned (I'm finding that I'm always concerned - lol) but the doc said it was normal for a baby's fetal heartbeat to fluctuate a bit and that it is usually due to movement/resting periods throughout the day.

Bad News - our insurance still hasn't kicked in. I called last Friday for an update and was told my application had been processed and that I should receive the letter in the mail soon. That was almost a week ago - no letter. So we're still waiting and trusting the Lord to provide.

Good News - now that I'm entering the second trimester, I get to stop taking two of my meds - yahoo!

Best News - January 5th is D-Day. D-Day as in we'll find out whether Baby Lackey is a girl or a boy.

The Lord is good to all;

He has compassion on all he has made.

Psalm 145:9

Pregnancy Brain: 3 - Melissa: 0

I have pregnancy brain. Seriously, it's a disorder. According to webmd.com, pregnancy brain is basically bouts of forgetfulness due to surging hormones, a change in priorities, and spatial memory issues. I am afflicted. Take yesterday for instance:

• I was in charge of today's field trip (bad idea - lol) and in my "fog" hadn't read the invoice closely. It clearly states "Tickets will be mailed to school with prepayment." Our sweet (and detail-oriented) secretary noticed this. Enter panic mode. Prayers were prayed and fingers were crossed as I called the facility. Thankfully, we could purchase tickets at the door. Crisis averted.

• As apart of this evil field trip I was coordinating, I needed to give the director of the facility our total number attending. I added the same three numbers three* times. 88 + 6 + 9 = 93. My first answer = incorrect. 88 + 6 + 9 = 103. Yes! I can add! Then I recount and realized I had miscounted and my numbers were wrong. 88 + 6 + 13 = 107. I only got this correct because sweet school secretary took pity on my soul and added it herself to double-check me. It wouldn't be so bad that I can't add - except I called facility director each time to say "Here are our total numbers = 93; Ok so I can't add this time we have a final number of 103; No wait - I can't count I promise it's 107." Seriously, between calls and emails I contacted this lady no less than 4 times yesterday.

• When leaving to go home, I had to go to the room 3 separate times because I kept forgetting things: first my bag, then my keys.

I used to be organized. I used to be able to multitask. I used to remember everything. Now - no such luck. James has never been the organized one of us, but I've been able to keep our household up and running the past three years. Now - oh geesh. Here's praying Baby Lackey will inherit my former, long forgotten organization genes. Perhaps he/she will be able to keep me together because at this rate - I'm bound to forget the little guy/gal somewhere. *sigh*

*NOTE this has been edited. The original post said "four times" but it was only three. I can't count anymore! See what I'm talking about? It's a good thing I only teach second grade. :)

Thankful for the Lord's Provision - Part II

Most of you know that my mom passed away when I was 18. I have a wonderful step-mom, sister, and great friends back home; but that's back home. Both James' and my families/childhood friends live hours away in other states. Therefore at times I feel kinda orphaned. Particularly when facing difficult times or when I have questions simply because Mom isn't close by. (Disclaimer - yes, there is always the phone, email and facebook - it's just not the same.)

However, the Lord is kind. He provides people in our lives to guide us, particularly when we feel there is no one else. Meet two such people in my life:

Mrs. G

Mrs. B

Mrs. G & Mrs. B teach at the same school at which I teach. Mrs. B teaches 3rd and Mrs. G teaches 6th and I can say in all honesty we have a lot of fun at school - pranks, trading lesson ideas, laughing about our students, etc... They make work fun.

Both are solid believers who seek to be obedient to the Lord in their lives and encourage the same in others. Mrs. G is a former nurse with tons of medical knowledge. Mrs. B has a Masters in Education and is certified pretty much from birth to death therefore she knows all about child development. Plus, between the two of them they have been married about 40 years and have raised 7 young men to teenagehood/adulthood (and survived - both the boys and them - ha). Therefore, in my book they are pretty qualified to give advice. Being fairly newly married (3 years) and now pregnant for the first time - I always have tons of questions: random questions, serious questions, and embarrassing questions.

Plus, they are just stinkin' sweet. Check out what awaited me Tuesday morning at work:

Courtesy of Mrs. G

I am thankful to the Lord for their wisdom and friendship. If you ever feel alone, I pray you look around and realize that the Lord in his kindness has most likely put people in your lives who are available and qualified to help guide you. The Lord is definitely good and provides all things.

The Lord will supply all my needs,

according to his riches in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

10 Week Appointment (kinda)

Today, I am 10 weeks (really almost 11) and had a somewhat-semi 10-week appointment.

First, I saw Dr. V my endocrinologist.

Weight - 116.8 - that's up a whopping 3 pounds people despite morning sickness - woah.

My BP - 118/65

My Heart Rate - 87

Good News - my thyroid is doing so good - I'm actually able to divide my pills in half as I don't need to take that high of a dose anymore - yahoo!

Then, this afternoon I saw dear sweet Dr. C.

Dr. C is an OB/GYN doc who is also one of the professors at the seminary both James and I graduated from. Dr. C not only teaches several classes (mostly in the counseling department) but also "doctors" people at the school clinic and moms in need at a local crisis pregnancy center. He agreed to try out his new sonogram machine on me this afternoon. So, while it wasn't an official OB visit with Dr. P - it was a chance to see my dear baby.

Stats: Still measuring on-time (10 weeks, 6 days).

All parts, to be seen at this stage of development, were accounted for.

Baby Lackey is either training to be a gymnast or a boxer - he/she was ALL OVER THE PLACE - punching, kicking, flipping. At one point he/she flipped upside down and turned

back right side up. (Guess that Reeces' Cup I ate on the way paid off - ha)

Sadly, I don't have pics/video at this time. Dr. C's machine is so new the printer isn't hooked up yet, but as soon as I can get a flash drive to him - he'll upload 4 sweet pictures and one awesome video. So expect them soon :)

---------

God is so kind to provide another opportunity to see my baby. Before coming today, I found myself severely anxious about it. While excited, I always get nervous that they'll find something wrong. Fortunately, I was comforted that if something was wrong, I'd want to hear it from Dr. C - I know he loves the Lord, would be realistic about any situation, and lead me to Jesus for comfort. Of course, so far the Lord has been pleased to let everything progress normally. I, personally think he's showing off because I technically shouldn't be able to walk (but I do), shouldn't be pregnant (but I am), and shouldn't have a "normal" baby (which I'm praying for). I'm ok with that - I like it when God shows off! :)

My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in your weakness.

Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that

Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9

My love-hate affair with Vitamins

I am no fan of prenatal vitamins:

Actually, I am a fan - I am thankful for the fact that the Lord has provided vitamins so my baby will have the most nutrients, etc... However, actually taking the vitamins - that's the problem.

First, the stinkers are HUGE! I don't swallow pills well anyway, but big pills- geesh.

Second, they stink. They contain anchovies and sardines for the DHA/Omega 3 value. I'm not the biggest fan of fish, particularly because of the smells. Just opening the bottle is enough to make me get sick - psychosomatic, I know.

Third, they make me sick. I've experimented with taking them in the evening, in the morning, as I start eating, as I finish eating, letting them "air out" for a while beforehand, yada yada yada. Regardless, about 30 minutes after choking one down, I succumb to nausea.

So, at my 8-week appointment a few weeks ago, I asked Dr. P what to do. She suggested switching to good ole' Flintstones. Now, I am resourceful (read: cheap) and we had already bought two bottles of these vitamins. They were on sale, buy one get one free, so that's 120 pills. I didn't want to switch until I had used them up. Resourceful, I am - yeah, I'm cheap.

However, as I'm nearing the end of my first trimester I find my morning sickness actually worsening. Gone are the days of only nausea in the mornings - now I get sick both morning and night with nausea on and off all day long.

Finally, my sweet husband took matters into his own hands and purchased two bottles of dear of Fred, Wilma, Pebbles and Dino.

Glorious Flintstones. I've been on them for almost a week now and the morning sickness has subsided dramatically. Granted, I'm still sick in the mornings (I have a tendency to get up and get moving a little too quickly for Baby Lackey) but the evening and daily nausea are pretty much gone.

Thank God for the Flintstones - seriously, I'm thankful for these little guys.

Be thankful in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

The Notebook

No, not the movie - this notebook:

What is this, you ask? It's my prayer notebook for our sweet baby. It serves several purposes.

1) I often find prayer difficult. I love praying - love that I can talk with the One True God anytime I want/need. However, my mind is so weak and easily distracted. I often begin daydreaming as my mind wanders. I think the catholics may be on to something with the whole rosary thing. Anyway, this notebook forces me to focus more as I write my prayers.

2) It serves as a record of God's faithfulness. I find that as I re-read my prayers, I am encouraged to see how God provided whatever was needed.

3) It builds my faith. Similar to #2, being reminded of God's faithfulness to me builds my faith when times are scary or I am stressed. God will take care of me - his way is best.

4) I hope it will one day serve as a testimony to our child. I hope that when our child is born and older (at least old enough to read) this notebook will teach them of the faithfulness and goodness of our God. I pray God will use it to encourage our child to love and follow him.

What do you do to keep your prayer time focused?

Random Thoughts of a Pregnant Woman

• It is much easier for me to keep my composure while nauseous at school than at home. I guess that's one of the blessings of marriage - the freedom to be weak.
• My students draw pictures of my baby. I really hope my baby doesn't look like their pictures. Otherwise, my child will have an extra large head, seriously crooked eyes, and not all the proper appendages.
• Friends are the best - especially friends who share the umm...blessings of breast feeding. I had no idea all the crazy things could happen that they mentioned. I guess that's why the Lord gives you 9 months to get mentally prepared.
• Funny Story: I'm the "dismissal lady" at my school. So I stand in the lobby and call students to the office whose parents decide to walk in and get them rather than use the carline. So, the other day sweet Ruby was leaving school. Her family was half-way out the door when she turns around and runs back to me. "Mrs. Lackey," she says. "I hope you have a good baby." I reply, "Thank you Ruby, I do too. But if I don't - I'll just spank him." Wide eyed and silent, she runs out the door.