Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Sweetest Sound

Today I had an impromptu OB visit.

I was 99% sure I had an UTI. I debated between calling my urologist versus my OB, but reasoned that baby trumps all so to the OB I went.

After the obligatory urine sample, the Nurse Practitioner said she wanted to use the doppler-thingy to check Baby Lackey's heartbeat. I was thankful as I had already decided to ask her to do so just to be safe. (I have seriously become a worry-wart)

After what seemed like forever, no heartbeat could be found. Dr. S had some trouble finding the heartbeat last week at my 12 week appointment, but eventually she found it. However, the NP just couldn't locate it. Hello panic mode.

From there, they took me to the "little waiting room." The little waiting room is never a good thing, in my book. Of course I was bawling by this point so they really didn't want me freaking out the other patients. After what seemed like forever - again - I am called for the ultrasound.

Words can't express just how frightened I was. I didn't even want to look at the screen. Fortunately, the Lord in his kindness revealed that sweet Baby Lackey was still there and his/her little heart was still beating (153 bpm) - sweetest sound I have ever heard.

Enjoy these pictures:

I have so much to be thankful for after today's visit:

1) Antibiotics! Hopefully I will be back to my normal self in a day or two.

2) An unnamed sweet older lady. When I entered the dreaded "little waiting room" there was an older lady in there. She looked at me and immediately asked, "Do you need a hug?" to which I nodded yes. She hugged me for quite a while - didn't say anything - just gave me a hug until the doc called her out. I have no idea if she is a believer or not. I don't even know her name and didn't say a word to her, but I am confident that the Lord used her today as his arms to comfort me and for that I am thankful.

3) Technology - While the doppler-thingy isn't on my favorite list right now, I am thankful that I am pregnant at the time when technology exists enabling us to "see" our little one and know with some certainty if anything is wrong.

I do have to repent. My trust in the Lord was seriously tested today when they couldn't find the heartbeat and I'm sad to report that I don't think I held my faith very well. I know my reaction was completely normal and expected, but my first thought wasn't "God is control" but rather intense fear, worry and thoughts of worse-case scenarios. Thankfully the Lord did quicken my spirit with random scriptures to think on while I waited and prayed so I know he was with me, even when I questioned that fact. Isn't he kind? The Lord is faithful even when I struggle to be.

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord,
be brave and of good courage,
and let your heart be stout and enduring.
Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.
Psalm 27:14

1 comment:

  1. You are going through a rough stretch and your challenges are big enough to shake the foundations of any house- even those with a solid foundation. But shake is different from fallen or even damaged. Trust in the Lord even when you feel you have let go and He will bring to you a little old woman to big you a reassuring hug and comfort. Continuing to lift you in prayer and knowing that God is pleased with your desire to look for Him working in your life and little completely in control. Keep looking in your sand prints and notice that right now, there might only be one set of prints. And praise God, you don't have to do it without Him.